Monday, April 9, 2012

Ug, The UK Cavefan

Ug wake up to boom boom at door. Ug pull on loincloth and bunny slipper. Ug answer door- it is neighbor Travis. Travis like cat very much.

Travis: Are you going to watch the Cats game?
Ug: What cat game? Ug not know.
Travis: The UK Game! Are you going?
Ug: Ug love Uk, she is Ug mother. Uk have game?
Travis: She's your mother? What? Well, are you going?
Ug: I love Uk, I want to watch game.

Ug not see Uk for long time; Uk not want Ug to move away. Uk afraid that Ug meet girl, and never see Uk again. Uk only girl Ug love. Ug want to go to Uk game.

Travis: We can take my car if you'd like; my parents gave it to me when I scored a 2.0 for the first time. It's UK blue, bro!
Ug: What is blue? Is blue color of Ug mother?
Travis: Totally! I know your mom bleeds blue!
Ug: Travis not know Ug mother, she bleed red.
Travis: Aw, that's a shame! Well, maybe she will change her mind one day. Anyway, we will leave for the Ho in a little bit.

Ug not know if Uk change blood color. Uk blood look red. Travis tell me his blood blue. Ug wonder if he from other rock. Ug wonder about ho, Uk warn Ug about ho. Uk say ho is trouble. Uk say stay away from ho. Ug see ho just this time.

About an hour later...

Travis: Hey Ug, are you ready to go to the Ho?
Ug: Ug worried about ho, Ug mother warn Ug about ho.
Travis: That's crazy! Besides, it's for families now!
Ug: Ho for family? Ug confused.
Travis: That place used to be pretty shady, but I even take my mother there sometimes.
Ug: Your mother like ho?
Travis: Oh yeah, man, she loves their thin mint shake!
Ug: Ho have milkshake? Ho sound nice. Ug go one time.
Travis: Great! Let's go before it gets too packed!

Travis tell Ug that we are here. Ug look around for ho, but see no ho. Ug wonder if ho inside. Travis and Ug go inside. Ug look around, but not sure which one is ho. Ug will ask later.

Travis: Ug, let's order some bites before the game starts! Hurry!
Ug.: Ug want meat, Ug want cheese, Ug want thin mint shake.
Travis: Alright, bro, just go ask that ho for some food.

Ug nervous about meeting ho. Ug mother warn him about ho- stay away from ho. Ug worried.

Ug: Hello, ho. Ug want meat, Ug want cheese, Ug want Thin Mint Shake.
Worker: Hah! I'm no ho! I just work here! Anyway, you want a Super Ho, some cheddar tots and a thin mint shake?
Ug: Yes, ho.
Worker: Hah! Alright...

Ug try to pay for order. Worker call Ug “Ho Virgin,” Ug wonder how she know. Ug mother was right: ho know what you think. Travis and Ug get food, Travis and Ug sit down. Uk game comes on. Ug see no Uk. Ug confused.

Ug: Where is Uk? Where is Ug mother?
Travis: You gotta stop with that mom stuff, UK is coming out right now!
Ug: I do not see Uk!
Travis: Right there! Look!

Ug still no see Ug mother. Ug look for Uk, Ug no find Uk. Ug think Travis make trick. Ug wonder why ho make food. Ug think ho something else. Ug very confused.

Travis: Look, Ug, it's Anthony Davis!
Ug: Anthony Davis? That's cousin Ul!

Ug happy to see cousin Ul! Cousin Ul has big eyebrow like Ug and Uk. Ug not know cousin Ul play Uk game. Ug happy after all.

Travis: Anthony Davis is your cousin?
Ug: Not Anthony Davis. That is Ul.
Travis: He plays for UK, bro.
Ug: Yes, he is Ul, he plays for Uk.
Travis: Whatever, man.

Ul very good at Uk game. Ul hits ball with hand. Ul make shot. Ul make shot. Ug not know plural. Ho very happy with Ul. Ho very happy with Ul. Ho very happy with Ul. Travis tell me to talk to ho; Travis think ho like Ug if I tell them Ul is Ug cousin.

Ug: Ug is Ul cousin.
Girl: Huh?
Ug: Ul is Ug cousin. Ul play with eyebrow.
Girl: Anthony Davis? He's your cousin?
Ug: Ul is Ug cousin.
Girl: Who is the heck is Ul?
Ug: He is Ug cousin. Ul play with eyebrow.
Girl: Whatever, freak. Go away!
Ug: Ug sorry. Ug sorry for talk with ho.
Girl: What? Are you calling me a ho?
Ug: Ug friend Travis tell Ug that you are ho.
Girl: Travis? Who is Travis?
Ug: Travis at Ug table. Travis blood is blue. Go C-A-T. Go C-A-T. Ug not know plural.
Girl: We will see...

Ho goes to Ug and Travis table. Ho hit Travis with beer bottle. Travis blood red, not blue. Ug pick up Travis and run from ho. Uk game over, Uk win game. Ho taken by police in street. Ug tell police ho hit Travis. Police call doctor for Travis. Ug sad. Ug mad. Ug walk home now.

Ug cold. Ug no sit. Ug see couch on sidewalk. Ug build fire on couch. Ug get warm, Ug not sit down.

Ug hear car horn. Ug no like car horn. Ug smash car. Ug still hear car horn. Ug turn car over. Ug no hear horn sound.

Ug see Ul fan. Ug like Ul fan. Ug see Uk fan hurt Ul fan. Ug smash Uk fan. Ug not know why Uk fan get so mad over Ug mother. Ug wonder if Uk fan is soldier, and not fan. Ug see Uk fan hit other Uk fan. Ug think Uk fan confused. Ug wonder if Uk fan need red blood, and not blue. Ug think blue blood make Uk fan crazy.

Ug go to Ug home. Ug lock door. Ug scared. Ug watch Flinstone.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Forgetting Good Friday; Remembering the Trivial

Just a few words on the observance of Good Friday, and the secular trivialities that too often replace its observance in our society:

I will be the first to admit this painful truth- In my personal thoughts (and occasionally my words), I am often too harsh on Protestants, even those who follow Christ in the best way they know how. Still, it is on days like yesterday when I wonder if my tough words and thoughts are not sometimes warranted...

Being Good Friday, I decided to dress nicely for school- a shirt and tie colored purple and gray. I always feel odd wearing this color combination in the spring, but considering the solemnity of the day, I thought it appropriate. I was not trying to look "gloomy like the hypocrites," but to let my dress be a personal reminder of my obligations on that day. In fact, I'd say I was in a rather good mood; cheerful if anything.

Then, I was approached by three different teachers, all asking why I was "dressed up" on dress down Friday. To my amazement, not a single one had remembered it was Good Friday, excepting one who seemed to remember when she saw me. Still, I replied "It's Good Friday" in a non-aggressive and non-condescending tone, and left it at that. All three seemed to accept that answer and carry on with their day. But, here's what bothers me:

A. All three of these ladies claim to be Christian- yet you don't remember or commemorate in any way the death of Our Lord on this day? I mean, we all agree that he died for our sins, right? Shouldn't that be a special day to you as well?

B. One of these ladies had invited me to her church for an Easter Egg hunt (before Easter, of course, which my friend Gwenny rightly criticizes here) but didn't bother to remember Good Friday. Yet another example of forgetting the cross in favor of the resurrection.

C. One of these ladies (among many in our school) were wearing, and remembering, UK Basketball's 8th national title instead. So, you could remember to wear your new title shirt, but not observe the death of Our Lord? Sure, a national title is good for Kentucky in terms of prestige, but it is a rather trivial matter indeed compared to the death of Jesus Christ, whose death saves us from death. Additionally, isn't it strange that so many Christians remember the death date of their loved ones, but not Jesus? Did he not die a real death?

Ultimately, I'm left with more questions than answers here. I wouldn't consider any of these ladies "bad Christians" in terms of the lives they lead. I'm reasonably sure that they all attend church weekly (even on Wednesday) and try to live their lives by the example of Christ. But how can you gloss over this tremendously important event? How can you observe things like Valentine's Day and Halloween, but not give the Crucifixion a second thought? In light of the faith these ladies proclaim, it does not make any sense to this observer.