Monday, April 9, 2012

Ug, The UK Cavefan

Ug wake up to boom boom at door. Ug pull on loincloth and bunny slipper. Ug answer door- it is neighbor Travis. Travis like cat very much.

Travis: Are you going to watch the Cats game?
Ug: What cat game? Ug not know.
Travis: The UK Game! Are you going?
Ug: Ug love Uk, she is Ug mother. Uk have game?
Travis: She's your mother? What? Well, are you going?
Ug: I love Uk, I want to watch game.

Ug not see Uk for long time; Uk not want Ug to move away. Uk afraid that Ug meet girl, and never see Uk again. Uk only girl Ug love. Ug want to go to Uk game.

Travis: We can take my car if you'd like; my parents gave it to me when I scored a 2.0 for the first time. It's UK blue, bro!
Ug: What is blue? Is blue color of Ug mother?
Travis: Totally! I know your mom bleeds blue!
Ug: Travis not know Ug mother, she bleed red.
Travis: Aw, that's a shame! Well, maybe she will change her mind one day. Anyway, we will leave for the Ho in a little bit.

Ug not know if Uk change blood color. Uk blood look red. Travis tell me his blood blue. Ug wonder if he from other rock. Ug wonder about ho, Uk warn Ug about ho. Uk say ho is trouble. Uk say stay away from ho. Ug see ho just this time.

About an hour later...

Travis: Hey Ug, are you ready to go to the Ho?
Ug: Ug worried about ho, Ug mother warn Ug about ho.
Travis: That's crazy! Besides, it's for families now!
Ug: Ho for family? Ug confused.
Travis: That place used to be pretty shady, but I even take my mother there sometimes.
Ug: Your mother like ho?
Travis: Oh yeah, man, she loves their thin mint shake!
Ug: Ho have milkshake? Ho sound nice. Ug go one time.
Travis: Great! Let's go before it gets too packed!

Travis tell Ug that we are here. Ug look around for ho, but see no ho. Ug wonder if ho inside. Travis and Ug go inside. Ug look around, but not sure which one is ho. Ug will ask later.

Travis: Ug, let's order some bites before the game starts! Hurry!
Ug.: Ug want meat, Ug want cheese, Ug want thin mint shake.
Travis: Alright, bro, just go ask that ho for some food.

Ug nervous about meeting ho. Ug mother warn him about ho- stay away from ho. Ug worried.

Ug: Hello, ho. Ug want meat, Ug want cheese, Ug want Thin Mint Shake.
Worker: Hah! I'm no ho! I just work here! Anyway, you want a Super Ho, some cheddar tots and a thin mint shake?
Ug: Yes, ho.
Worker: Hah! Alright...

Ug try to pay for order. Worker call Ug “Ho Virgin,” Ug wonder how she know. Ug mother was right: ho know what you think. Travis and Ug get food, Travis and Ug sit down. Uk game comes on. Ug see no Uk. Ug confused.

Ug: Where is Uk? Where is Ug mother?
Travis: You gotta stop with that mom stuff, UK is coming out right now!
Ug: I do not see Uk!
Travis: Right there! Look!

Ug still no see Ug mother. Ug look for Uk, Ug no find Uk. Ug think Travis make trick. Ug wonder why ho make food. Ug think ho something else. Ug very confused.

Travis: Look, Ug, it's Anthony Davis!
Ug: Anthony Davis? That's cousin Ul!

Ug happy to see cousin Ul! Cousin Ul has big eyebrow like Ug and Uk. Ug not know cousin Ul play Uk game. Ug happy after all.

Travis: Anthony Davis is your cousin?
Ug: Not Anthony Davis. That is Ul.
Travis: He plays for UK, bro.
Ug: Yes, he is Ul, he plays for Uk.
Travis: Whatever, man.

Ul very good at Uk game. Ul hits ball with hand. Ul make shot. Ul make shot. Ug not know plural. Ho very happy with Ul. Ho very happy with Ul. Ho very happy with Ul. Travis tell me to talk to ho; Travis think ho like Ug if I tell them Ul is Ug cousin.

Ug: Ug is Ul cousin.
Girl: Huh?
Ug: Ul is Ug cousin. Ul play with eyebrow.
Girl: Anthony Davis? He's your cousin?
Ug: Ul is Ug cousin.
Girl: Who is the heck is Ul?
Ug: He is Ug cousin. Ul play with eyebrow.
Girl: Whatever, freak. Go away!
Ug: Ug sorry. Ug sorry for talk with ho.
Girl: What? Are you calling me a ho?
Ug: Ug friend Travis tell Ug that you are ho.
Girl: Travis? Who is Travis?
Ug: Travis at Ug table. Travis blood is blue. Go C-A-T. Go C-A-T. Ug not know plural.
Girl: We will see...

Ho goes to Ug and Travis table. Ho hit Travis with beer bottle. Travis blood red, not blue. Ug pick up Travis and run from ho. Uk game over, Uk win game. Ho taken by police in street. Ug tell police ho hit Travis. Police call doctor for Travis. Ug sad. Ug mad. Ug walk home now.

Ug cold. Ug no sit. Ug see couch on sidewalk. Ug build fire on couch. Ug get warm, Ug not sit down.

Ug hear car horn. Ug no like car horn. Ug smash car. Ug still hear car horn. Ug turn car over. Ug no hear horn sound.

Ug see Ul fan. Ug like Ul fan. Ug see Uk fan hurt Ul fan. Ug smash Uk fan. Ug not know why Uk fan get so mad over Ug mother. Ug wonder if Uk fan is soldier, and not fan. Ug see Uk fan hit other Uk fan. Ug think Uk fan confused. Ug wonder if Uk fan need red blood, and not blue. Ug think blue blood make Uk fan crazy.

Ug go to Ug home. Ug lock door. Ug scared. Ug watch Flinstone.

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